My Summer Vacation (A Cautionary Tale)

I spent the majority of my adult life (and some of my pre-adult years) dreaming of the days when I would be job-free and able to see the world. Unfettered by timeclocks and untethered to work email, I imagined that I would enjoy leisurely exploration of far-off places, immersing myself in local culture. So, following my retirement, I finally set aside time to consider, plan and execute travel plans.

If you are like me, you research and plan an international trip in a way that attempts to find a perfect balance between organized and spontaneous. I do my research, consider worst case scenarios and lay the groundwork for potential Plan B needs. I consciously try to schedule a cadence of alternating rest/activity days. I become obsessed with Instagram posts regarding dining options and try to make reservations months before the trip. Museums? Historical locations? Buy the tickets in advance. If you wait for the day you want to storm the castle, the castle just may already be fully stormed.

My reward for all my planning effort is the bliss I feel when I finally enjoy the fruit of my labors...waking up after the first vacation sleep in a perfectly located hotel or the first bite of that appetizer that I have spent months anticipating. There are few things that bring me as much satisfaction. Even a text from a local tour guide, welcoming me to the city and reminding me of the details and logistics of a planned tour feels like a validation of my efforts and an invitation to new adventure. It's a lovely blend of both the expected and novel. The sensory experience...the sights, sounds, tastes...are new but there is also an underlying sense of security.

Of course, as is the way of the young, my daydreams of future travels underestimated the variable in play as a world traveling 60-something. For example, I never before considered whether arthritis might impact my comfort on extended flights, and I learned that I had become a bit fussier about hotel beds. The first couple of journeys I took post-retirement provided a crash course in better planning and I quickly learned to include new physical considerations and creature comforts in my planning. Then, when my husband decided that he wanted to venture to foreign locations with me, I enthusiastically included his needs in my planning process.

I mapped out different travel legs, considered his food preferences, and worked hard to ensure that he would have the best possible time. Enthusiastic and irrationally optimistic, we embarked on a two-week journey to the UK. The good news is that we both loved every tour and museum experience. We were thrilled to have hot, sunny days in Scotland. We also enjoyed a spectacular dinner at a Gordon Ramsey. Almost all of my plans were successful.

Unfortunately, I hadn't considered that he and I may not be aligned on the unplanned aspects of our experience. We agreed that, with the exception of the London hotel with the ceiling leak and air conditioning failure (not normally a concern in the UK), our accommodations were clean, comfortable and perfectly situated for exploring. Unfortunately, we did not agree on the quality of the hotel amenities and service. We both loved our dinner in Edinburgh, but he was generally unhappy with our eating options. I desperately wanted to explore new locations and discover new flavors but, for my husband, that was too big a stretch.

We tried to navigate our differences with humor and grace but, by the end of the trip, were simply working one another's last nerve. The sad fact is that we have some significant differences in preferences and comfort level when traveling internationally. In all those years of daydreaming, I never once considered that my preferred travel companion may have differing daydreams. The sad truth is that we actually do share a desire to travel but, when you dig deeper, our fine print is different. I want to hike, swim and find treasures and he wants a limited experience that includes only the expected. I want to eat new things and meet new people, and he wants food that is familiar and has no need for new acquaintances. We aren't throwing in the towel but, for the short term, travel planning is limited. We have begun the process of negotiation and compromise, still both wanting to find travel solutions that meet both of our needs.

If you are a pre-retirement being daydreaming about future journeys, I recommend that you start early considering your own fine print. If you assume that your partner is enjoying the same daydream, maybe dedicate some of your weekly date night on scenarios and definitions. After all, nothing beats a well-designed plan.