Did I Tell You That I Am Writing a Book?

So, I know I have blathered on about trying to find ways to spend my retirement. I gossip with goats while volunteering at the local zoo, I have been a book club dropout, and I enjoyed a brief but unsatisfying foray into watercolor painting. I have also confessed to committing the ultimate retiree crime...going back to work. While all of these endeavors have been opportunities for growth, my decision to write a book has been the most fulfilling.

After a family vacation to Kauai, I had this incessant drumbeat of a story playing in my mind. Part narrative memoir, part tribute to my father, it had taken up residency in my brain. Not sure how to quiet my mind and insecure about my ability to write the book, I attended a writer's workshop in hopes of finding a path forward. During the workshop, I gathered great advice and listened to the stories of other aspiring writers, but it was one particular piece of advice that moved me to action. The speaker said, "Everyone's first book is terrible. Write it anyway." Eight simple words changed the drumbeat to a vision, and I have been writing ever since.

My book is focused on grief and loss. The twist is that I have learned that the swimming lessons and many ocean swims of my childhood provided the core concepts that help me navigate hard time on land. Weird in concept but true in life. The process of writing it has been both terrible and glorious. Along the way, I have found new insights and healing, empathy for my mom

and grace for myself.

This week, I am finalizing my book proposal and fighting every urge to self-sabotage. Have you ever wanted to accomplish something even as you struggle to believe that you have the ability to do it? As a first-time writer, certain required proposal content seems an impossible task. How would I, as a novice writer, ever be able to craft an effective and desirable promotional strategy? What do I need to include in a market analysis? Scariest of all, what if these drafted chapters are awful? I have a bad case of "all the fears and all the feels", all at once.

So, how to overcome my state of worry? I am using hope and gratitude as my shield. My mantra this week will be DO IT ANYWAY. It is likely that I will experience disappointment, but I am going to submit the proposal anyway. I will keep expectations low but keep my hopes high. Wish me luck!

P.S. I will keep you posted on status. Who knows? Maybe I will master the art of self-publishing.