Aging vs Evolution

Last week, I was sitting in a patient area at the local health system, waiting for a physical therapy appointment. Next to me, another patient began having a very loud and very personal conversation on her cell phone. It was loud enough and frankly, personal enough, that I turned to look at her. She was oblivious of both my stare and the large "No CELL PHONE USE" sign posted right above her head. I was immediately amused and annoyed.

I tried to give her grace, telling myself that perhaps it was her first time in therapy and she hadn't yet noticed the sign. She continued on, describing in detail the various petty crimes of a family member or neighbor and, as her complaints droned on, I found myself clenching my teeth and meditating on the wisdom of my favorite book. I reread The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz at least once per year. The first time I read it, it changed my brain. One of the core four agreements, Don't Make Assumptions, has become especially key to my peace of mind. The concept can best be understood through simple illustration.

Imagine that you are driving to work on a freeway. Abruptly, a vehicle in the adjacent lane cuts in front of you, the driver seemingly oblivious to your vehicle. How do you respond? If you are angry, ask yourself why. Are you assuming that the offending driver did it purposely? Is your brain telling you that the driver feels that your commute is less important than their own? Could you, instead, acknowledge that there may be a myriad of reasons for the incident? What if the driver was rushing to the ER to see a loved one? Maybe they simply did not see your car and meant no harm.

In keeping with my favorite book, as a listened to the loud and awkward saga of a stranger, I took an inventory of my assumptions and tried very hard to release any feelings of annoyance. But when her therapist, who she has apparently seen multiple times, came to fetch her I withdrew the grace and allowed myself to be perturbed. Of course, I then began to overthink and stew. When did I become so easily irritated? After all, if the therapist didn't scold her for her missteps, why were my panties in a wad? Am I becoming a mini version of an elderly neighbor shouting warnings to the kids on my lawn?

Before I started to sink into a pit of self-recrimination, I reminded myself that I also needed to avoid making assumptions about myself (the hardest part of that agreement). Giving myself grace has always been a challenge. As I worked through my pile of assumptions about my rapidly approaching crotchety phase, I allowed myself the thought that I might be evolving. Perhaps I wasn't being cantankerous and judgmental. Rather, I might be evolving into a person that sees impolite behavior and rightly assesses it as rudeness. I don't relish the idea of comfortably judging others, but I am intrigued by the thought of learning to observe accurately and define rude acts correctly.

Will I begin calling out strangers for rudeness? Not likely. I have no desire to give random humans a piece of my mind. I am much more likely to use snark and sarcasm. Plus, these days I need all the mind I can spare.